Tag Archives: trans

Transitioning in later life

transformation

It wasn’t until I was 50 years old that I realized I was a man in a woman’s body, and what a revelation it was ! The first time I wore a binder, I felt free, amazing, and very scared for how much this was going to impact my family. At the time, I was married to a wonderful woman, who was and still does, identify as a lesbian; I knew it would be the end of my marriage.

This July will mark my second anniversary of taking testosterone, and when I look back, the changes that seemed painfully slow for me at the time, have passed so quickly. When I look at my photographs, I see a massive change from my pre-everything photo (May 2015 and 6 months after I had worn a binder for the first time), to 1 year on hormones (and very soon after top surgery), then finally after 18 months on hormones.

Now I have an Adam’s apple, I sing in the Baritone section of an LGBTQ choir; my face, muscle and skin structure has shifted and everywhere I go I am called “Sir.”                                              This feels miraculous to me.

I see a lot of sadness when I look into the eyes of my earlier photos, and such joy in my most recent one, an aliveness that was absent before.

My message to you is, follow  your heart. It’s never to late to become the person you know you truly are !

My Top 10 FtM Transition Discoveries

My whole childhood and recent adult life were filled with the feeling of something not being right, not fitting in. Puberty was a living hell; those things that began sprouting from my chest felt so alien and utterly wrong to me. As an adult I experienced significant bouts of depression, and had trouble controlling my alcohol intake. Gender Dysphoria started rearing its’ head in ugly ways as I got older, leading to my realization and my need to transition.

This my personal list of things I experienced or that surprised me as I transitioned from female to male and taking testosterone

Top 10 Things I Discovered About Transitioning with Testosterone

1. There are many ways to take testosterone

I was very surprised to learn that there are many ways that you can introduce testosterone into the body. Self-injection was what appealed to me, it’s  just once a week and you’re done. If the thought of a needle creeps you out, you can consider using a testosterone carrier cream that you rub daily into your skin, and let it be absorbed before putting clothes on. I have seen just as wonderful transformations with this method as with the weekly shots. There are other methods too, but I am just talking about my experience and what I’ve seen around me.

2. Voice drop

Most guys notice a gradual lowering of their voice, which becomes obvious at around 3 months. I feel I continued after that, and it took a while for my brain to get used to my lower voice, so I had that awkward high-low voice thing for a while ! Singing in choir helped me to widen my vocal range and get more used to the lower tones.

3. I got hairier

I had no hair before I started on testosterone, now I have a little goatee and visible hair on my arms and legs. Some guys grow awesome facial hair 3 – 6 months, not me though.

4. My fat distribution changed

The fat moved away from my boobs onto my belly. Dropping some weight helped to reduce that developing belly, and another advantage for me was since guys tend to have less body fat percentage, it’ll helped me present in a more masculine manner.

5. Muscle development

You’ll do well to go to the gym and work all your muscles using weight-bearing exercises. You might experience growing pains in your muscles. My doctor recommended Calcium-Magnesium supplements with vitamin C, which worked for me.

6.  Genital changes

You’ll experience a growing of the organ down there, and some guys experience growing pains. I didn’t. You may want to rename this part of you, there are  many names out there including dicklet (my favourite). Also, and this sounds gross but stay with me, your uterus gradually changes, becomes less lubricated and “atrophies” after around 3 or 4 years on testosterone, so your Doctor will probably recommended a hysterectomy sometime after that.

7. Some permanent changes

Items 2,6 (and I believe, to a degree 3) are permanent changes, even if u come off testosterone.

8. Testosterone increased my libido 

My libido increased from almost zero to OMG!

9. My sexuality changed

For most of my life I identified as a bisexual, although people tended to assume I was straight if I was with a guy, or a lesbian if I was a woman; although I never identified as a lesbian, myself. As I settled more into my transition and accepted my own masculinity, I realized I was gay.

10. My sexual health became front and centre as a gay man

Although most of my sex life involved men over my lifetime, I had been in relationships with women for many years before I transitioned; I had become used to being at the lowest risk category in the sexual health arena. As a shifted into being transgender man who has sex with men, safety during sex became more present for me. Although there are many wonderful, safe-sex practising men out there, there is real risk of coming across men who honestly don’t know that they are positive; there’s a window of 6 weeks to 3 months where HIV+ antibodies will not show up in tests. To me now, condoms are an essential part of my safe practice.